Shark Music

I am ever so grateful to the Circle of Security training. It has given me some perfect phrases to describe exactly what I am experiencing. Makes it easier to manage the experience. The "Name it to Tame it" thing becomes do-able.

So this morning I started my day with a minor panic attack. While yesterday was "opportunistic", with some lively, upbeat music playing behind the scenes in my head, today was a mixed symphony playing, with the background music you hear in the movie Jaws dominant. I was feeling the impending attack of the old habits. Despite all the opportunities ahead of me, despite all the other parts having knocked on the door, despite listening to the care-taker parts plea to rest, the feeling of dread and doom of getting trapped under old habits of throwing myself to care of others or giving in to the compromising part was beating at my chest. A minor panic attack.

Thankfully, the learn and share part came to the rescue. I had to share this panic and make it feel acknowledged. I knew I did not want to surrender to it. So called my confidant cousin, who is absolutely phenomenal is being with my sharks and taming them. I poured my anxieties as she listened and responded with appropriate sounds and syllables. The music got duller and softer. I walked, I talked, I walked, I talked, I felt better. Slowly the data-analyst side came out and reminded that that was then, this is now. Things are different. I am different. That part of me gave me evidence of me being a different person, and allowed me to feel more confident in my new forming habits. I ran, I listened, I ran, I listened, I felt lighter and calmer.

The music now is hopeful. The shark music is faded (but still there). The opportunistic part, now back in the show, albeit with trepidation. The symphony carries on, with a different tune now than when the day started. Let the music flow...