“My morning catch up of texts revealed that the appointment wouldn’t happen after all. I watched my internal system feeling the wave of let down, the thoughts swinging like Mowgli releasing the happy, cheerful thoughts vines and swaying over to the disappointed, angry ones of “not one thing ever goes as planned!” I felt the momentary dread of dealing with the now open huge block of time. This time was not only an unwanted time, but I had worked quite hard to plan this scheduled time and ensure it would happen at my end.

A few breaths into these waves and Mowgli thoughts and emotions, I was offered the news flash by a little voice inside..”

“Noticing an interesting phenomenon in my little head. As an observer, here is what I notice about my thought patterns or should I say activity patterns to be.

I have an open block of time. I walk around the house doing this and that. Putting things away, doing the dishes, organizing or taking things from one place to another and so on. In the process I am making a mental note of several other things that I could do or that need to be done. Things like need “I to buy birdseed”or “I need to organize the toolbox.” Need to, need to, need to. Notice, notice, notice. Add to the to do list, add, add.

But here is what is interesting lately. I’m finding myself slowly but surely being able to prioritize all of these to-do’s and need to’s..”

“So this is what it feels like to have arrived. After years of preparation, going through the valleys and peaks of emotions, taking multiple detours through various experiences and dodging countless potholes along the way, I now feel like I have arrived where I had envisioned myself to be...”

“Ok. This post is a serious ramble. Bear with me.

The Independent Parent (IP) phase began this Thursday. Dropped my daughter off and came back to an empty house. With children gone, fragments of their personal belongings spread around the house as reminder of what once was a full and bustling space, the house seemed quite bare. Yes, this may seem like an over dramatization, but believe me, the difference between Saturday prior and Thursday was quite stark, both visually and energetically. What was consuming me more than any other feeling was the sense of loss of a childhood..”

“The phrase Independent Parent has a lot packed in it. While I speak for myself, I am sure most of us moms out there feel this way. I have spent 24 years of her life being the dedicated, committed, hands-on, learn on the fly, confused, confident, parent. But honestly, I have spent 24 years of my life being the dependent parent! We say that we raise our children to become independent individuals, finding success in everything they do. But in the process, I believe we become dependent parents..”

“So this morning I started my day with a minor panic attack. While yesterday was "opportunistic", with some lively, upbeat music playing behind the scenes in my head, today was a mixed symphony playing, with the background music you hear in the movie Jaws dominant. I was feeling the impending attack of the old habits.”

“In the midst of this transition phase, I see an opportunity to do things I have wanted to do for while. Yet another chance to expand my horizons, to broaden my canvas and paint a few more details in my otherwise already colorful picture of life. The sad part of me has felt heard and acknowledged and now is ready for the opportunistic part of me surface over, allowing it to have it's time in the sunshine.”