The Independent Parent

“This is the end

Hold your breath and count to ten

Feel the earth move and then

Hear my heart burst again

For this is the end

I’ve drowned and dreamt this moment…”

The Skyfall song lyrics come popping into mind these days. I am in the process of moving my daughter into her new home in Boston. This marks the end of a phase in both her life as a child and my life as a parent. She is moving on to be an independent adult and I am moving on to being an independent parent!

The phrase Independent Parent has a lot packed in it. While I speak for myself, I am sure most of us moms out there feel this way. I have spent 24 years of her life being the dedicated, committed, hands-on, learn on the fly, confused, confident, parent. But honestly, I have spent 24 years of my life being the dependent parent! We say that we raise our children to become independent individuals, finding success in everything they do. But in the process, I believe we become dependent parents; looking for affirmations for ourselves as parents, seeking joy and pleasure through our children’s experiences, building on our routines and social networks around those of our children’s. We depend on our children while we help them become independent. We spend years teaching them how to fly for this very moment when we see them open their wings and launch off… Now it’s my turn to teach myself how to fly. Become an Independent Parent. A parent who gets affirmations of her parenthood through the decisions her child makes independent of her, who finds joy in the child’s success and growth as reflected glory, and who now makes her own routine as she pleases, independently. I am now about to be the Independent Parent.

This is the end, when I hold my breath and count to ten, feeling my earth, my grounding and foundation as a parent, move beneath me. I see her walk into her new apartment and I hear my heart burst again. Burst with pride, with hope, with love and with blessings. For this is the end of a phase. I have drowned many years for this moment, I have dreamt this moment for her and for me many a times. This moment is blessed, much more than I had ever imagined.

Sting comes to the rescue here.

“Starting up a brand new day.”